Many people think that being naturally dominant, submissive, or a switch is something inherent from birth. The belief is that one can’t acquire the skills to be dominant or become more submissive. However, even if you’re naturally inclined to be dominant, it’s essential to gain the knowledge and experience to be a skilled domme. Conversely, if dominance isn’t a dominant trait in your personality, you can still learn to skillfully take charge in the bedroom.
Approaching this with the right attitude, an open mind, and the appropriate tools, you’ll discover that becoming dominant in the bedroom is achievable, empowering, and enjoyable! By following these straightforward guidelines, you’ll be on your way to embracing a more dominant and adventurous role in the bedroom.
Being too quick is not recommendable
In order to dominate in bed, rushing into things too quickly can lead to a negative experience that might have been avoided, or worse, someone could get hurt.
Even if your ultimate goal is to engage in intense domination with implements like whips and blades, don’t expect to dive into that right away. Learning how to be dominant, and more importantly, being a good domme to your partner, is a gradual process that requires time and experience.
Begin with activities that are less intense or extreme (remember, even just playing with power exchange can feel intense!). Starting with less extreme activities makes it easier to handle any issues that may arise because, as the dominant, it’s your responsibility to take charge if things go wrong. Knowing you can handle bumps in the road, big or small, will give you the confidence to explore more intense play and respond calmly when things don’t go as planned.
On the flip side, dominating your partner doesn’t have to be super extreme. If you only feel like directing your partner to engage in a few mostly vanilla acts (non-kinky sexual activities), that’s perfectly okay! Just wielding that power can be incredibly erotic, creating a dynamic flow of power between you two. Initiating sex and giving instructions may not be super kinky (what is kinky, anyway?), but it’s a great starting point that can enhance your sexual experiences.
So, start with that.
What does it mean to be sexually dominant?
While we often hear about dominance in relationships, have you considered how to take charge in the bedroom?
Sexual dominance, or dominant sex, revolves around a set of behaviors and rules aimed at controlling your partner (the submissive) for the pleasure of both individuals.
In this dynamic, one person assumes the dominant role, and the other takes on the submissive role, each with specific roles and rules to follow. These roles fall under the umbrella of BDSM, an acronym encompassing bondage, dominance/submission, sadism, and masochism.
Now, let’s focus on how to be dominant in bed for your partner.
Understanding the responsibilities of a dominant is crucial before diving into the enjoyable aspects of dominating in bed and pleasuring your partner. If you feel it’s time to switch things up and take control, especially if your partner typically leads your sexual encounters, familiarize yourself with these responsibilities:
- Take control over everything.
- Expect to be pleasured.
- Have the ability to apply punishment.
- Prioritize your desires.
- Allow only obedience.
Feeling ready to embrace the role of a sensuous dominant partner?
25 Exciting Tips for Taking Control in the Bedroom
Surprisingly, many individuals secretly harbor fantasies of being the one under control – assuming the submissive role in a sexual scenario. Now, it’s time to step into the dominant position and explore these ideas that will bring satisfaction to both you and your partner. Here are 15 enjoyable and enticing ways to be dominant in bed.
- Open up a conversation
Before embarking on the journey of dominating your partner, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation about it. Communication is key when it comes to exploring dominance in the bedroom. Unlike a scripted series or movie, you can’t instantly transform into a BDSM-dominant figure. Discussing your desires as a couple is crucial to understanding if your partner is open to exploring this dynamic. If they are, you can establish your terms and discuss which aspects you’d like to try first. - Embrace the role of the boss
To learn how to dominate in bed, you must first master the art of being bossy. Taking control in the bedroom requires a confident and assertive demeanor. From your actions and posture to the tone of your voice and commands, it’s important to exude conviction and firmness. - Choose intimidating attire
Whether you’re a woman wondering how to dominate a man or a man fantasizing about dominating a woman, paying attention to your attire is crucial. This is a straightforward way to embody a dominant persona in bed. Once you’ve assumed the role, focus on what you wear. To achieve the look of a sexy dominator, consider investing in enticing costumes or sultry latex outfits. Your partner will undoubtedly appreciate the effort, and you’ll feel a confidence boost in the right attire. - Developing Dominance Takes Time : Learning the ropes of dominance might be an entirely new experience for you, so don’t anticipate becoming the ultimate dominatrix within a couple of days. Mastery in this area requires time and experience. There’s no need to pressure yourself to perform instantly. Take it easy, go with the flow, and understand that developing dominance is a process.
- Establish a Safe Word: Having a safe word is essential, not just for your partner but for yourself as well. Choose a word that isn’t easily spoken during intimate moments. Avoid using everyday words like “cock.” Instead, opt for something distinct, perhaps “pineapple” or “cabbage.” Unless, of course, you plan on incorporating those words into your intimate activities, in which case, choose an alternative.
- Dress in What Empowers You: Being dominant doesn’t require specific attire like strapless pants or a choker. You can exude dominance while completely naked. The key is to wear something that makes you feel sexy, confident, and in control. Whether it’s an apron or something else, the important thing is that you feel liberated in what you choose to wear.
- Use everything: To be dominant you can use almost anything—sex toys, candles, whips, rope, fruit—whatever you want. Of course, you need to make sure that your partner agrees to it. But if they do, well then, don’t hold back.
- Learn what you like first: You can’t really tell your partner to do something if you’re not sure how it feels, can you? Our advice would be to get busy with yourself and find out what feels best. Then you can direct your significant other in bed much more accurately.
- Have confidence: If you really want to know how to be dominant in bed, you have to increase your level of confidence. You need to be certain about what you say. Otherwise, it can come across as awkward and won’t have the desired effect. AKA, you won’t feel the pleasure you want.
- Start in the foreplay: The best way to show your dominance is from the start of your sex-capades. Get bossy right away during foreplay. Make sure your partner knows what you want right off the bat and you’ll feel that pleasure intensify as you get more involved. This also sets the tone for the rest of your bang session.
- 4. Allow your partner to worship your body: Start to dominate them by giving your partner a chance to worship every inch of you. You can give your partner a massage oil or allow them to enjoy the ‘chance’ to kiss your body. Let your partner use their hands to slowly and passionately touch your body; give them the chance to shower every part of you with sensual kisses.
- 5. Blindfold and tie your partner: Do you want to know one of the sexiest ways to dominate your man in bed? Invest in those sexy bed restraints and blindfolds and use them to tie your partner in bed. By doing so, you will have full command of your partner. Stroke him, tease him, and kiss him until he can’t take it any longer. Of course, with consent, you can also grab his hair and spank him. Add naughty words, and you’ll feel that intense fire burning inside.
- Engage in Erotic Conversation: Whether you’re in the throes of passion or the midst of foreplay, talking dirty has the power to create a deliciously naughty and sexy atmosphere. Take it up a notch by whispering your desires and fantasies into your partner’s ears. Express to your partner what you crave and the enticing actions you have in store. As you delve deeper into the intimate connection, let those naughty words intensify the fire burning within. When you’re on the brink of climax, don’t hesitate to let your dirty talk grow louder, adding an extra layer of intensity to the shared experience.
- Assertive yet Tender: Master the Balance: In your quest to establish dominance, it’s crucial to find the delicate balance between being forceful and gentle. This isn’t about randomly slapping her buttocks; it’s about conveying a sense of control with purpose and respect. Demonstrating dominance is more about making her aware that you are in command, emphasizing the importance of full control without resorting to physical aggression. Building trust is paramount, and any more intense actions, such as spanking, should only come into play once trust has been solidly established. Remember, the key is to seize complete control, articulating your desires confidently. Let her know that you are leading the way, taking charge of the situation. Encourage open communication, ensuring that both partners feel heard and understood, while maintaining a clear dynamic where you guide the course of your intimate moments.
- Explore Submissive Gestures: Try sitting at his feet while he relaxes on the sofa watching TV. If you’re tired of him being engrossed in video games, rather than expressing frustration, opt for a more subtle approach. Join him, sit beside him, and silently massage his feet or share the floor space while watching. The key is to convey that he is in control, even though you’re subtly using your own influence to fulfill your desires. Being submissive doesn’t mean relinquishing all control; it’s about navigating a power dynamic that benefits both partners.
- Attend to the Little Things: Demonstrate your submission through thoughtful actions. Offer to help him with tasks, prepare an occasional meal, or give him a relaxing massage. These small acts of service reinforce the dynamic of submission while expressing care and consideration.
- Express Appreciation: Make sure your boyfriend is aware of what you value in him. Affirmations like “I appreciate that I can trust you to make decisions on my behalf,” or “I feel secure when I’m with you” convey the significance of his dominant qualities. Let him know that he makes you feel special and that you see him as your protector. These expressions of gratitude reinforce the positive aspects of his dominant role in the relationship.
- Enhance the Seductive Posture: Consider bending over more frequently, allowing him enticing glimpses of your behind. This subtle act may encourage him to initiate a tentative spank. If he doesn’t pick up on the cue, express your desire more explicitly with a playful suggestion like, “Would you like to spank me? I’m really craving it.” Don’t limit this to the bedroom; try it in unexpected settings. For instance, casually lean over a kitchen table, asking with innocence, “Do you think my ass is well-suited for spanking?” accompanied by a mischievous smile. These playful invitations can add a teasing and flirtatious element to your dynamic, fostering a sense of shared desire and exploration.
- Explore the World of Bondage: Venturing into the realm of bondage can add an exciting dimension to your intimate experiences. Begin with a conversation about your desires and boundaries to ensure a shared understanding. Start with Mild Bondage: Basic restraints can introduce you to mild bondage, but if you’re looking for more, consider incorporating role-playing and sex toys. Experiment with floggers, gags, and whips, using them as tools for playful punishment in scenarios where your submissive disobeys. Enhance the Experience: Mild bondage has the potential to heighten the sexual experience for both partners, fostering a deeper connection and a heightened sense of intimacy.
- Choose your words erotically: Crucial to any exploration, especially in the context of bondage, is the establishment of a safe word. This term is something both of you agree upon beforehand, serving as a clear signal to stop if either of you experiences discomfort or the activity becomes too intense. Whether engaging in role-playing or incorporating spanking, the safe word ensures that communication remains a priority, allowing for a safe and enjoyable exploration of your desires.
- Embrace Aftercare with Affection: Remember the importance of aftercare following a session of bedroom dominance. The intensity of the experience can leave lingering emotions, and a little post-play tenderness goes a long way in soothing and bringing everything back to a sense of normalcy.
- Cuddling and Affection: Take the time to cuddle and express affection toward your partner. This intimate connection helps nurture feelings of closeness and reassurance after the powerful experience of dominance. Offer comfort and reassurance through physical touch, reinforcing the bond between you two.
- Considerate Massage: If your partner has been restrained, such as in handcuffs, and their muscles feel tense or sore, a thoughtful massage can be incredibly soothing. This extra step in aftercare demonstrates care and consideration for your partner’s well-being.
- Check-In for Reflection: Use this post-play time as an opportunity to check in with each other emotionally. Discuss the experience openly, sharing your thoughts and feelings about the encounter. This dialogue not only enhances your emotional connection but also allows both partners to express their desires and boundaries for future exploration. Understanding each other’s comfort levels ensures that you can navigate future endeavors with trust and consent.
- Maintain Composure in Unexpected Situations: In the realm of BDSM, staying calm in the face of unexpected developments is paramount. The concept of “wrong” is subjective, as it can take various forms. For instance, your partner may use their safe word, signaling the need for an immediate stop or pause. This could potentially bring an untimely end to the scene, requiring your attention and care. In more serious situations, such as injury, fainting, a seizure, or an unexpected incident like a fire, it becomes the responsibility of the dominant to take charge. Preparedness is key, as being equipped to handle these unforeseen challenges allows you to address them with ease while maintaining a calm demeanor. Remaining composed in the face of adversity not only ensures the safety and well-being of both partners but also reflects a responsible and capable approach to navigating the complexities of BDSM dynamics. Being ready for a variety of scenarios enables you to handle unexpected issues efficiently and respond with confidence.
And a final note for boys…
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They desire you to take the lead – Every woman desires a partner who takes the initiative, and it can be a significant turn-on when a man confidently takes charge. Always be the one to make the first move; there’s nothing more captivating for a woman than a man who knows how to dominate in the right way at the right time.
Explore Intimacies what feels right for you both
The journey of intimacy within relationships is a deeply personal endeavor, inherently unique to each individual and couple. Whether it involves maintaining eye contact during the act of lovemaking or preferring the intimate sensation of closed eyes, the essential aspect is discovering what resonates most with you and your partner.
Eye contact during sex is often sidestepped by many, given its perceived intensity or potential intimidation. However, it also holds the power to forge a profound connection between partners, unlocking a deeper level of intimacy.
Conversely, the experience of eyes-closed intimacy offers its own array of sensations and emotions. Neither approach holds a definitive right or wrong; instead, it’s about embarking on a journey of exploration to discern what feels most authentic and satisfying for both of you.
If the desire to forge a deeper connection with your partner resonates with you, experimenting with eye contact may be the transformative experience you’ve been seeking. Embracing this possibility could serve as a gateway to enhancing your relationship, fostering a stronger bond that brings you closer together. So, why not take the plunge and give it a try? You may find that this exploration becomes a pivotal experience that changes the dynamics of your connection in ways you hadn’t imagined.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I dominate in bed while ensuring my partner feels at ease?
If you’ve ever wondered, “Is my boyfriend too dominant in bed?” finding the right balance involves effective communication. To be dominant without causing discomfort, open discussions about desires, boundaries, and safe words are crucial. Actively listen to your partner’s cues and prioritize their comfort and consent throughout this consensual journey you both embark upon.
How can I determine if my partner is comfortable with me taking a dominant role in bed?
Maintaining ongoing communication is key to understanding your partner’s comfort level. Pose questions, observe their reactions, and encourage them to share their feelings and desires openly. Building trust serves as the solid foundation for a successful dynamic where one partner takes on a more dominant role.
What if my partner is not comfortable with my dominant role in bed?
Respecting your partner’s comfort is paramount. If they express discomfort with your dominance, it’s essential not to push boundaries or pressure them into anything. Instead, initiate an open conversation to comprehend their concerns and work collaboratively to find a compromise that satisfies both partners.
What are common mistakes people make when attempting to dominate in bed?
Several common mistakes can hinder a successful experience in dominance. These include neglecting communication, rushing into actions, and disregarding established boundaries. Overly aggressive behavior without clear consent or ignoring safe words is a significant error. Success in a dominant-submissive dynamic relies on prioritizing trust, obtaining consent, and maintaining constant and open communication.
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